I Am Pavlov's Dog

Do you ever think about how many things you have been conditioned to do? As soon as someone pulls out a camera, do you immediately smile, or even say cheese? (I actually smile even when I am behind the camera taking the picture.) When someone sneezes, don't you immediately say, "Bless you" or something to that affect? I think the majority of our conditioning is taught as we are growing up, and is generally more positive than not. However, I realized today that I have negatively conditioned myself - and this is a big one. As soon as someone mentions St. Louis, the not so happy thoughts start popping into my head. Or I start crying.

I had a really hard time leaving Birmingham this afternoon and was trying to figure out why during my 8 hour drive home. I recognized that I attribute all things bad that happen to me to the city of St. Louis. I refuse to acknowledge the positives that are also occuring. All the things that have jilted my world over the past few months have occured in St. Louis, so I have decided that if something bad happens to me, it must be because I am living here. Flawed logic, I realize, but for a little while, it was making me feel better. But I thought today, if I broke my arm, or lost my job in Birmingham, would I be so devastated? Probably not, because of course Birmingham cannot be blamed for anything!

I left Birmingham with this attitude today. I thought, I am driving into a thunderstorm and getting a ticket in a construction zone just because I am headed to St. Louis. (By the way, don't speed in construction zones - the fines are outrageous.) I neglected to remind myself that the police officer wrote my citation to intentionally save me an extra $300 fine, or that it rained in Birmingham pretty much the entire time I was there.

So my goal is to start emphasizing the positives that I experience in this crazy new city. Now, I am extremely stubborn and know that this is going to take a lot of "self talk" as my mother would say. In fact, my mom pointed out how much higher the humidity is in Birmingham v. St. Louis. "So?" I said? "The humidity makes me a better runner. I am able to endure all types of weather conditions." Whatever Jenny. Mike noticed a misquito bite on my arm when I arrived home and pointed out that there are no misquitoes in St. Louis. "I like misquitoes," I retorted. Yeah right, I was complaining about them all morning!

With this said, I am going to start looking for the positives that occur in St. Louis. Don't worry - I will not turn this blog into a journal for this project but I will tell you that I already found one. I re-ran the route I broke my elbow on, and neither fell nor broke any bones. One point for St. Louis. (Note - I never broke ANY bones before I came to St. Louis, but I guess that is not proactive...) :-)