Before I start, I want you to know that I have re-written this post at least three times. I just can't seem to say exactly what I want to get across. That being said, you have been warned.
I love Valentine's Day. It's not because I have a "Valentine" either. I think it is such a wonderful time to let people know how much you love and appreciate them. (Even if you are lazy like me and just send a text.) At work we had a "potluck Valentine's Day" lunch and our sweet secretary brought everyone cards and candy. It's those little sorts of things that you are not expecting that always make ANY day special.Think about when you are in elementary school. You don't just have a Valentine's Day party for one person - you bring a Valentine's card for everyone in the class. Yes, as you get older, Valentine's Day becomes more about WHO will be your ONE Valentine, and maybe the idea gets distorted...
So for those people who claim that Valentine's Day is just a holiday created for Hallmark and the floral industry - I have a proposition. Just think about it as any other day. I recognize this is sometimes easier said than done. I have issues with expectations, and when a "holiday" comes along that was created for someone to boast their love to you, things tend to fall apart.
So, this year, Mike and I had a Valentine's Day re-do. The first one just didn't go so well....
Instead of writing about what actually happened on V-day, I am going to tell you what I learned. I think it will be more positive, and I am just not ready to air ALL my dirty laundry on this blog. So..I am going to talk about expectations. For as long as I can remember, my mother has told me not to have them. She says that you will always be disappointed if you do, and you will always be pleasantly surprised if you don't. Good words to live by. One of the things that Mike and I are learning about marriage is that everyone comes into it with certain expectations of what their role is in the union, as well as as what their spouse's role "should" be. (That is another word my mom says not to use.)
I think each person enters a relationship with an idea of what chores they expect to be responsible for, how their money will be spent, and how they plan to raise their kids. As many discussions as you may have prior to getting married, I personally believe that nothing will teach you what your partner really envisions until you are thrown into the deep end with no life jacket. I made this Valentine's Day into a huge deal in my head because it was our "First Married Valentine's Day." Did that mean that Mike loved me more on Monday than he usually does? No. Did I tell him not to buy me flowers because they are too expensive and we are having budget cuts? Yes. So, why did I expect there to be roses waiting for me when I got home from work? I assumed (by the way, this is another bad word) that since Mike has bought flowers for me every year since we have known each other, that he would still buy them. (PS - that is not all that the fight was about, because that sounds very bratty.)
One thing I learned this week is you can't expect someone to read your mind. Another thing I am learning is that communication is key. Again, I KNOW this in my head, it is putting is actually putting it to work. Again, until specific events pop up, you never know how another person is going to react. Mike had no idea that on Monday I had a horrible day at work and wanted some sort of surprise/sympathy/acknowledgment when I got home. In his mind, a nice dinner at home and hanging out was just the fix. In my mind, a banner professing his love, confetti and a mini parade would have done the trick. I guess this goes along with not expecting someone to read your mind. We are learning to merge how the other person expresses themselves and accept this. Screaming from the rooftop, "I LOVE THIS WOMAN!!" is not Mike's style. And that's ok, because honestly, we never would have had more than one date if it was.
I apologize that this post is vague and kind of rambling, but what I am going to do is take my own advice and start treating Valentine's Day like every other day. Better yet, why don't we treat every day like Valentine's Day? So, don't be surprised if you start getting random texts from me on any ordinary day telling you how much I appreciate you. I hope you all had a wonderful week. Thanks for listening :-)
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