What Not To Do In a Bookstore and Other Musings

I love books. I've loved them since I was little kid. Perhaps it is because my parents (claim) to have read to me since Day 1. Perhaps it is because when I was growing up, we lived down the street from the library and the easiest, most affordable excursion my mom could manage was to walk/wheel/drag the three of us down the street to pick out some books. [Usually these outings would result in at least one of us reading silently in her room for the rest of the day and my mother could count the excursion as a success.]

Regardless of the reason, books have always been an important part of my life. So last year after quitting my job, having a tumor removed from my abdomen and trying to support my husband as he completed his dissertation, it seemed only natural that I would seek employment in a place that has always offered a sense of calm and stability. (Yes - last year was kind of a bitch.)

I applied for a Bookseller position at a local bookstore. After several follow up phone calls and a pop in visit so the employees could "get to know my face," the manager gave up and hired me.  If I was this persistent about getting a job, how great would I be at selling books? And I actually am. I love talking to people about what they are reading and trying to help them find something they will enjoy. I am also pretty nosy and like to ask questions related to what you are buying. If you are buying a travel guide, most likely I will ask you about your trip. Don't be offended. All's fair in the bookstore.

For the most part, bookstore customers are pretty great. Likely they are there to browse, kill a few minutes with a coffee and a magazine, or are excited because their favorite author has just released a new book. With that said, there are a few things that happen on a daily basis that make my skin crawl. If you ever find yourself in a bookstore doing any of the following things, it is time for you to pack up your stuff and head out. You are no longer welcome in this sanctuary as you are making people tense and ruining the atmosphere for everyone.

1) The Adult Magazine - Did you know large bookstores sell adult magazines? I certainly didn't. Here's a hint: If you are buying this type of reading material anywhere but in a gas station in the middle of nowhere, I suggest you save yourself (and me) the embarrassment and just order a subscription. I do not feel comfortable asking you if you found everything alright when there is a naked lady staring provocatively at me. I feel more uncomfortable when you ask me about my day and pretend like this naked lady is not there. Have you never heard of the internet? I'm pretty sure you can find this stuff for free there, without traumatizing your friendly bookseller. And don't even try to tell me the articles are good. Those are on the internet too. Move along.

2) Much To Do About Shakespeare - I try not to be a judgy person. I really do. But when you come in and ask if we have "that book called Shakespeare," I am going to judge. Shakespeare is not a book. He is an author. He has actually written several books! Two in particular are called "Much Ado About Nothing" and "Richard III." These books are not called "Much To Do About Something or Other" or "Richard the Great." Get the facts straight. Don't come to the bookstore and look like an idiot. Another note: There is no book called "Waldo." You are either searching for "Where's Waldo" in the children's section, or "Walden" by Henry David Thoreau. No, they are not the same.

  

3) Turn Off Your Cell Phone - It drives me INSANE when people are gabbing loudly on their phones in a bookstore. I feel you should act the same way in a bookstore as you would in, say a library. Or church. This is a quiet sanctuary! No one else in the store is worried about the drama in your life - most likely they are already there to find some sort of escape. And stay off the phone when you come to check out. If you are talking to someone else and ignoring me when you put your book on the counter, I will wait until you are done. You are being rude. Self check out in bookstores isn't available yet, so please act accordingly. Hang up the phone!

4) Have You Heard of That Book... -  I do my best to keep up to date with recent publications. I listen to NPR and read the newspaper and believe that I am fairly in tune with what people are reading. If you come to me and ask me if I have "that book about a wedding," I'm just not going to be able to help you. Please don't get upset with me. Get on your super smart phone and do your research.

5) I Can Get This So Much Cheaper on Amazon - Then go buy it there! You already made a trip to the bookstore. You have been basking in the glow of my friendly customer service as we searched for 20 minutes trying to find a random book you've imagined. You are not going to get my great (albeit now forced) smile at Amazon! Take the hit, spend the extra $5 and buy the book. You'll save the money in shipping.

6) "My Kids Spend Too Much Money Here: - There are a lot of things that kids spend too much money on. Clothes. Sugar. Video games. That $100 Lego set you just bought that will be used twice before one of the pieces ends up under the couch. Please don't complain that your kid's teacher is making him read and that it costs too much money. There is no evil plan between teachers and bookstores to drain your retirement fund. The plan is to educate your kid so he can become a productive member of society. I promise. Most likely if your kid is reading for enjoyment, she has found a way to escape for a little while into a new and exciting world. It's a good thing. I promise. Try it yourself. Maybe you'll like it.

7) I Already Saw the Movie. I Don't Need to Read the Book. - I can't even address this. I just can't.

8) Do You Think Bookstores are Going to Go Out of Business? - This question makes me sad and I just don't know the answer. I actually own an e-reader and really like it. I think it satisfies our societal need for immediate gratification as there is no need to waste time going to the bookstore, walking by books you have no interest in and searching the shelves until you find what you are looking for. You push a button and your book is ready to go. On the other hand, I think part of the reading experience is taking time to flip through books you may never before have considered. Opening a brand new book and running your hands across the title page. Wandering into the history section and picking out a book on WWII that you didn't realize you were interested in. You lose these things when you use an e-reader.

I hope that bookstores don't go out of business, and not just because of my current employment. I think bookstores (and libraries) are important and need to be supported. So the next time you need a book, take the time to patron your local bookstore. Just make sure you bring the above list with you.

Happy Reading!