Mike and I are a pretty romantic couple. The majority of our days are spent staring into each other's eyes and telling the other person how amazing they are. In fact, if you have been reading this blog for awhile, you may have confused it with Nicholas Spark's "The Notebook." It's ok, you're not the first.
Now that you understand our deeply romantic connection, I'm sure you will not be surprised to hear that we spent our Friday evening together at Sam's Wholesale Club. Mike came home from work and I rushed him back into the car because I was starving and we had already decided that Sam's would be the location of our romantic dinner. (Pizza slices for $1.19.) Because I am such an amazing wife, I only complained twice about the amount of trash on the passenger side floor of the car, and only rolled my eyes once when the "Empty" alarm went off to alert us that we would soon be sitting on the side of the road with no gas. I told you, we will make you throw up with all our lovey-ness.
This was our first visit to Sam's in Jacksonville, and we were greeted by a lovely woman who told us quite abruptly that we were trying to come in the through the Exit door and it sure would be nice if people would take the time to read signs. I may or may not have muttered under my breath that there was no sign, but I can't remember because of all the romantical feelings I was having.
Once we got inside, we made a beeline for the refreshment counter. After inhaling slices of pizza and hot dogs, we got up from the picturesque plastic table and chairs and began to shop. My love for my husband grew as he stood for five minutes calculating which toilet paper was less expensive by the SHEET and also when he told me it was his turn to get something fun after we had loaded up the cart with dishwasher detergent and paper towels. (What else does a wife need besides endless rolls of paper goods?)
We strolled through the industrial garage and sweetly helped each other recognize that there is no room in our pantry for a two gallon container of hot sauce, and no, now is not the time for us to start eating cow tongue, even if it is on sale. Each of us might have begun to consider that there was a reason we have never been grocery shopping together. No problem though, we were pressing on with our amorous mission.
I will admit, it was 8:00 pm and I was exhausted. Oddly enough, Friday night seems to be a busy time for the wholesale industry, and I was getting annoyed with all the people pushing their over sized buggies around me. Mike's patience were also running thin, and he was less than impressed to find out I buy clinical strength deodorant, which just happens to be $5 more than the regular stuff. He gave in though, after I suggested that we share his deodorant (even though that would have been the more romantic solution.)
We finally made it to the check out lines at the same time that everyone else in the store decided to go home. We stood in a line longer than some of the rides at Disney World (with much less end reward) until a young cashier decided to open a new lane, yelling out, "Next in line."
Mike and I dragged our buggy over and were unloading 10 pounds of hamburger meat when another customer yelled from the neighboring line, "Hey! Didn't he say, "NEXT IN LINE?"
The store quieted as Mike and I stared at him. He was a large fellow who didn't look interested in making new friends. Mike asked the nice gentleman if would like to get in front of us, even though it looked as though his items were already loaded onto the conveyor belt.
"NO." He replied. "But I only have 5 packs of water. What makes you think you can break in line? When the guy said, 'NEXT IN LINE' it should have been me."
All eyes were on us as customers stood, turning their heads back and forth between our exchange.
"Alright, come on then," I said. "Bring your stuff over here right now." The man stared at me and decided he was no longer interested in engaging in conversation. He was ignoring me. But now I was mad. Who was this man to ruin my romantic date night in a warehouse? "Come ON!" I said.
The man said nothing, because he is obviously very mature, and we completed our transaction with $250 less in the bank. Fortunately, we were right behind our friend as we waited in line to exit. (Side note - there IS an exit sign inside the store.) Mike tried to smooth things over with a joke about how the company needs an express lane, but the man chose not to say a word. I was frustrated because I am a brooder and will continue to think of things I should have said during this confrontation for the next several days. This man will likely go about his business, never giving me another thought.
We got home and poured ourselves glasses of the $7 wine we had just purchased and...
You decide:
A) stared into each other's eyes. The wine was delicious, and we spent the rest of the evening laughing and completing a Cosmo quiz that told us why we are the best couple in the world
OR
B) immediately spit out the wine because $7 wine is gross EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Watched a movie called, "Sunshine" that Mike swears has the best soundtrack and was overlooked for a Golden Globe in 2007, even though no one has ever heard of it. (Spoiler - it's a horrible movie.)
Regardless of which ending you choose, we are going to have to find another place to do our wholesale shopping - or at least figure out another night on which to do it. Trying to weave a date night into a practical, money saving outing is not a good idea, even for the most romantic couple in the world.
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Thursday, October 2, 2014
What Not To Do In a Bookstore and Other Musings
I love books. I've loved them since I was little kid. Perhaps it is because my parents (claim) to have read to me since Day 1. Perhaps it is because when I was growing up, we lived down the street from the library and the easiest, most affordable excursion my mom could manage was to walk/wheel/drag the three of us down the street to pick out some books. [Usually these outings would result in at least one of us reading silently in her room for the rest of the day and my mother could count the excursion as a success.]
Regardless of the reason, books have always been an important part of my life. So last year after quitting my job, having a tumor removed from my abdomen and trying to support my husband as he completed his dissertation, it seemed only natural that I would seek employment in a place that has always offered a sense of calm and stability. (Yes - last year was kind of a bitch.)
I applied for a Bookseller position at a local bookstore. After several follow up phone calls and a pop in visit so the employees could "get to know my face," the manager gave up and hired me. If I was this persistent about getting a job, how great would I be at selling books? And I actually am. I love talking to people about what they are reading and trying to help them find something they will enjoy. I am also pretty nosy and like to ask questions related to what you are buying. If you are buying a travel guide, most likely I will ask you about your trip. Don't be offended. All's fair in the bookstore.
For the most part, bookstore customers are pretty great. Likely they are there to browse, kill a few minutes with a coffee and a magazine, or are excited because their favorite author has just released a new book. With that said, there are a few things that happen on a daily basis that make my skin crawl. If you ever find yourself in a bookstore doing any of the following things, it is time for you to pack up your stuff and head out. You are no longer welcome in this sanctuary as you are making people tense and ruining the atmosphere for everyone.
1) The Adult Magazine - Did you know large bookstores sell adult magazines? I certainly didn't. Here's a hint: If you are buying this type of reading material anywhere but in a gas station in the middle of nowhere, I suggest you save yourself (and me) the embarrassment and just order a subscription. I do not feel comfortable asking you if you found everything alright when there is a naked lady staring provocatively at me. I feel more uncomfortable when you ask me about my day and pretend like this naked lady is not there. Have you never heard of the internet? I'm pretty sure you can find this stuff for free there, without traumatizing your friendly bookseller. And don't even try to tell me the articles are good. Those are on the internet too. Move along.
2) Much To Do About Shakespeare - I try not to be a judgy person. I really do. But when you come in and ask if we have "that book called Shakespeare," I am going to judge. Shakespeare is not a book. He is an author. He has actually written several books! Two in particular are called "Much Ado About Nothing" and "Richard III." These books are not called "Much To Do About Something or Other" or "Richard the Great." Get the facts straight. Don't come to the bookstore and look like an idiot. Another note: There is no book called "Waldo." You are either searching for "Where's Waldo" in the children's section, or "Walden" by Henry David Thoreau. No, they are not the same.
3) Turn Off Your Cell Phone - It drives me INSANE when people are gabbing loudly on their phones in a bookstore. I feel you should act the same way in a bookstore as you would in, say a library. Or church. This is a quiet sanctuary! No one else in the store is worried about the drama in your life - most likely they are already there to find some sort of escape. And stay off the phone when you come to check out. If you are talking to someone else and ignoring me when you put your book on the counter, I will wait until you are done. You are being rude. Self check out in bookstores isn't available yet, so please act accordingly. Hang up the phone!
4) Have You Heard of That Book... - I do my best to keep up to date with recent publications. I listen to NPR and read the newspaper and believe that I am fairly in tune with what people are reading. If you come to me and ask me if I have "that book about a wedding," I'm just not going to be able to help you. Please don't get upset with me. Get on your super smart phone and do your research.
5) I Can Get This So Much Cheaper on Amazon - Then go buy it there! You already made a trip to the bookstore. You have been basking in the glow of my friendly customer service as we searched for 20 minutes trying to find a random book you've imagined. You are not going to get my great (albeit now forced) smile at Amazon! Take the hit, spend the extra $5 and buy the book. You'll save the money in shipping.
6) "My Kids Spend Too Much Money Here: - There are a lot of things that kids spend too much money on. Clothes. Sugar. Video games. That $100 Lego set you just bought that will be used twice before one of the pieces ends up under the couch. Please don't complain that your kid's teacher is making him read and that it costs too much money. There is no evil plan between teachers and bookstores to drain your retirement fund. The plan is to educate your kid so he can become a productive member of society. I promise. Most likely if your kid is reading for enjoyment, she has found a way to escape for a little while into a new and exciting world. It's a good thing. I promise. Try it yourself. Maybe you'll like it.
7) I Already Saw the Movie. I Don't Need to Read the Book. - I can't even address this. I just can't.
8) Do You Think Bookstores are Going to Go Out of Business? - This question makes me sad and I just don't know the answer. I actually own an e-reader and really like it. I think it satisfies our societal need for immediate gratification as there is no need to waste time going to the bookstore, walking by books you have no interest in and searching the shelves until you find what you are looking for. You push a button and your book is ready to go. On the other hand, I think part of the reading experience is taking time to flip through books you may never before have considered. Opening a brand new book and running your hands across the title page. Wandering into the history section and picking out a book on WWII that you didn't realize you were interested in. You lose these things when you use an e-reader.
I hope that bookstores don't go out of business, and not just because of my current employment. I think bookstores (and libraries) are important and need to be supported. So the next time you need a book, take the time to patron your local bookstore. Just make sure you bring the above list with you.
Happy Reading!
Regardless of the reason, books have always been an important part of my life. So last year after quitting my job, having a tumor removed from my abdomen and trying to support my husband as he completed his dissertation, it seemed only natural that I would seek employment in a place that has always offered a sense of calm and stability. (Yes - last year was kind of a bitch.)
I applied for a Bookseller position at a local bookstore. After several follow up phone calls and a pop in visit so the employees could "get to know my face," the manager gave up and hired me. If I was this persistent about getting a job, how great would I be at selling books? And I actually am. I love talking to people about what they are reading and trying to help them find something they will enjoy. I am also pretty nosy and like to ask questions related to what you are buying. If you are buying a travel guide, most likely I will ask you about your trip. Don't be offended. All's fair in the bookstore.
For the most part, bookstore customers are pretty great. Likely they are there to browse, kill a few minutes with a coffee and a magazine, or are excited because their favorite author has just released a new book. With that said, there are a few things that happen on a daily basis that make my skin crawl. If you ever find yourself in a bookstore doing any of the following things, it is time for you to pack up your stuff and head out. You are no longer welcome in this sanctuary as you are making people tense and ruining the atmosphere for everyone.
1) The Adult Magazine - Did you know large bookstores sell adult magazines? I certainly didn't. Here's a hint: If you are buying this type of reading material anywhere but in a gas station in the middle of nowhere, I suggest you save yourself (and me) the embarrassment and just order a subscription. I do not feel comfortable asking you if you found everything alright when there is a naked lady staring provocatively at me. I feel more uncomfortable when you ask me about my day and pretend like this naked lady is not there. Have you never heard of the internet? I'm pretty sure you can find this stuff for free there, without traumatizing your friendly bookseller. And don't even try to tell me the articles are good. Those are on the internet too. Move along.
2) Much To Do About Shakespeare - I try not to be a judgy person. I really do. But when you come in and ask if we have "that book called Shakespeare," I am going to judge. Shakespeare is not a book. He is an author. He has actually written several books! Two in particular are called "Much Ado About Nothing" and "Richard III." These books are not called "Much To Do About Something or Other" or "Richard the Great." Get the facts straight. Don't come to the bookstore and look like an idiot. Another note: There is no book called "Waldo." You are either searching for "Where's Waldo" in the children's section, or "Walden" by Henry David Thoreau. No, they are not the same.
3) Turn Off Your Cell Phone - It drives me INSANE when people are gabbing loudly on their phones in a bookstore. I feel you should act the same way in a bookstore as you would in, say a library. Or church. This is a quiet sanctuary! No one else in the store is worried about the drama in your life - most likely they are already there to find some sort of escape. And stay off the phone when you come to check out. If you are talking to someone else and ignoring me when you put your book on the counter, I will wait until you are done. You are being rude. Self check out in bookstores isn't available yet, so please act accordingly. Hang up the phone!
4) Have You Heard of That Book... - I do my best to keep up to date with recent publications. I listen to NPR and read the newspaper and believe that I am fairly in tune with what people are reading. If you come to me and ask me if I have "that book about a wedding," I'm just not going to be able to help you. Please don't get upset with me. Get on your super smart phone and do your research.
5) I Can Get This So Much Cheaper on Amazon - Then go buy it there! You already made a trip to the bookstore. You have been basking in the glow of my friendly customer service as we searched for 20 minutes trying to find a random book you've imagined. You are not going to get my great (albeit now forced) smile at Amazon! Take the hit, spend the extra $5 and buy the book. You'll save the money in shipping.
6) "My Kids Spend Too Much Money Here: - There are a lot of things that kids spend too much money on. Clothes. Sugar. Video games. That $100 Lego set you just bought that will be used twice before one of the pieces ends up under the couch. Please don't complain that your kid's teacher is making him read and that it costs too much money. There is no evil plan between teachers and bookstores to drain your retirement fund. The plan is to educate your kid so he can become a productive member of society. I promise. Most likely if your kid is reading for enjoyment, she has found a way to escape for a little while into a new and exciting world. It's a good thing. I promise. Try it yourself. Maybe you'll like it.
7) I Already Saw the Movie. I Don't Need to Read the Book. - I can't even address this. I just can't.
8) Do You Think Bookstores are Going to Go Out of Business? - This question makes me sad and I just don't know the answer. I actually own an e-reader and really like it. I think it satisfies our societal need for immediate gratification as there is no need to waste time going to the bookstore, walking by books you have no interest in and searching the shelves until you find what you are looking for. You push a button and your book is ready to go. On the other hand, I think part of the reading experience is taking time to flip through books you may never before have considered. Opening a brand new book and running your hands across the title page. Wandering into the history section and picking out a book on WWII that you didn't realize you were interested in. You lose these things when you use an e-reader.
I hope that bookstores don't go out of business, and not just because of my current employment. I think bookstores (and libraries) are important and need to be supported. So the next time you need a book, take the time to patron your local bookstore. Just make sure you bring the above list with you.
Happy Reading!
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